Holiday Happenings, Part I Can You Imagine...?, Volume III Read online

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  Happy Mother’s Day

  Column #200 5-6-10

  To all of you who are mothers, want to be mothers or are going to be, your day is this weekend and I hope you enjoy it immensely. After all, being a mom is a full-time job that sometimes feels unappreciated. And to those of you who aren’t a mom but have one, shower her with love this weekend. Wait! Don’t stop there…show her you love and appreciate her all the time. That would be the best gift you could give.

  And just so you know I’m on your side, because I’m a mom too, I thought I’d peruse the web and seek out awesome gift ideas to pass along to your family. Trust me family don’t give mom work for Mother’s Day, that’s like begging for a time-out in naughty corner. Scratch gifts like cupcake tins, vacuum cleaners or a lifetime supply of Mr. Clean.

  Instead, here are unique gift ideas. So, if your mom is open-minded, trendy, and adventurous buy her one of these gifts; or all of them! At the top of my list so far are the elephant poo-poo roses. Yes, these stink-free paper roses are made from elephant poop. How cool is that?! Check them out on-line; your mom will love you for it.

  Next on the list, and looking like a favorite, is a little book entitled, “Porn for Women of a Certain Age”. Trust me on this one, this little book is made for mature women who love being treated like a woman. Just imagine your mom experiencing hours of pleasure, leaving her breathless with a smile on her lips.

  Yikes! I just got a visual of your mom…weird. I meant getting the visual was weird…not your mom.

  Anyway, doesn’t making mom happy sound appealing? After all, it is her day, and it’s not that kind of book anyway. Check it out, she will thank you.

  For ‘eco-friendly’ moms everywhere there’s the recycled magazine clutch purse. It’s the perfect size for all her essentials. Plus it’s incredibly chic, versatile and compliments any outfit from a cocktail dress to jeans and a tank top…depending on your mom’s own personal fashion sense.

  Wowzer, did I also mention these gifts are all under fifty dollars? Well worth it. But hey, you may have a few gift ideas of your own. Wait…may I interrupt your thoughts for a moment? Flowers and chocolate are cliché, outdated and boring. If you can’t think of anything else, I implore you, please think again. Mom deserves new and exciting, wild and crazy ‘something’ you’ve put a lot of thought and time into.

  Hey! How about giving mom a gift certificate to spa? (Including manicure, pedicure and massage.) Or, hire a maid for six months and give mom a well-deserved rest. Don’t forget this amazing woman wiped your bottom for years just because she loved you. And let’s be honest, you don’t see anyone making roses out of infant poop. So wouldn’t you agree that a maid is a great way to say “Thanks mom, I love you too!”

  Ah…but the best gifts are the ones from the heart, made with love. Why not make mom her favorite meal this Mother’s Day, topped off with her favorite dessert. Or make her a card and include a poem you wrote (not the one from second grade either). Mom deserves a gift you put some time and effort into. After all, she put time and effort into rearing you. And just look how wonderful you turned out!

  So moms everywhere…this Mother’s Day reminisce the good times you’ve had the joy of sharing with your family as I leave you with these words of wisdom, “If you’re not smart enough to be Mom, you’re Dad.”

  Can you imagine…following elephants around with a wheel barrel?